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My Big Wake-up Call

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By Sarah Lynn Lilley

I’m just as silly and naive now…as I was when I was younger. Except now, I don’t have any excuses for it, by now I should be rock solid, can’t break through my walls….like military grade type shit. But nope….I somehow stay all weak and emotional and too nice, too forgiving, and definitley too damn accommodating to everyone except for myself. I mean it makes sense right? My heart is literally shattered…and some days it hurts to even breathe…but I make sure that I put a brave face on….and pretend like my life is okay…it’s not great…but it’s okay. Because no one wants to be around a sad person. Sad people are needy and well, let’s be honest just uncomfortable to be around. No one wants that type of energy. It’s depressing and  I definitley don’t want it, but I also don’t do much to pull myself out of it either. In fact, I do a real good job at making everything so much harder for myself than it has to be. A big example, taking back the man who has broken up with me about 3-4 times now…….In a row……..and let me add some salt to that wound….it doesn’t take much convincing from him. It’s definitley a problem that I am fully aware of…difference is, now I am finally gonna do something about it and change all of that. I don’t want to become bitter and cynical about love, and I don’t want to start hating all men just because one of them broke my heart. I know that “good men” still exist…and when the time is right, and I actually love myself…then, and only then will any kind of relationship work the way it’s supposed to for me. I’ve learned a lot from all of my failed relationships and this last one probably taught me the most. Now, I know what I do not want….and what I am not willing to accept or settle for. Also, those little “red flags”…..I’m done ignoring those. #BigWakeUpCall 

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