Being ignored by people you used to call family. How quickly people turn on you...forget about you...literally act as if you don't even exist anymore! What's really unfortunate is how it doesn't seem to even phase them...yet it's been over a year now since I've been "outcasted", and to this day I still make attempts to reach out...hoping for some sort of an acknowledgment, but I get absolute nothing. I would feel ashamed for treating anyone that way...let alone someone who was called a FAMILY member at one time. I guess it's time to let this go...no point in setting myself up for disappointment any longer. It's been made pretty clear they want no part in my life or mine in theirs. I didn't want that bridge to burn...and I still don't feel it needs to be like this...in fact I'm pretty sure divorce is a common thing these days...and family's don't just cut you out cause you no longer are legally related. Especially when kids are involved. So I guess you feel it's okay to burn bridges with me now...but God forbid something happen to the other parent and all of a sudden your gonna have to rely on ME...the person you can't give the time of day to..and then your all of a sudden going to need to acknowledge me to keep a relationship with the kids. I pray nothing like that ever happens...but it's something to keep in mind the next time you burn a bridge over something that really had nothing to do with you and did no harm to you either. I loved the family I thought I had here...and my heart is broken that because I divorced one man...I lost the only family I have here. It cuts deep. I hope you never have to feel the rejection and hurt feelings that I feel now from you. I never asked for things to stay the same. I knew they wouldn't. But I must be naive cause I definitley didn't expect it to be like this either. I have been needing to get this out there and off my chest for a long time now...and it may have been for nothing to you, but for me I know I've said what needed to be said. I loved you all very much...and still do... But I can't let you hurt me any longer. It's obvious that we don't have a mutual feeling. I was never that important to you as you are to me. And that's okay, I will accept that in time, because that's the only choice I have.
I wanna message you so bad, but I won’t because it would only lead to more gaslighting and manipulation. You’re a dark rabbit hole that I just can’t entertain any longer. But if I did message you, I would tell you I miss you so much, and wish you were holding me right now. I just need a hug from you, something that I rarely ever got. In fact, those good feelings that I wish I could get a little bit of right now, don’t exist. Because the version of you that I miss doesn’t exist. So thankfully, I am not writing this to you right now, and I can save myself some dignity and just write it down and then maybe burn one day when I don’t care anymore. I’m not there yet, but soon the non-existent person of you that I miss will be non existent in my mind and I’ll no longer be writing anything pertaining to you. The real and fake you. I love you so much and I miss you so bad that it hurts. Loving you seems to hurt more and more these days. It wasn’t always like that, until it was. Ok, enough...
All you can do at this point is pray for them.
ReplyDeleteYou are very right about that! Thank you for your kind words!
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